I haven’t posted anything in a while. I know that, admit that and regret that also. Things haven’t been going pretty good lately you know on the personal front and then my regular bout of sickness tends to exemplify my negligence towards this blog. I hate to neglect this space, really. I do not read as much as I always did and then even if I do read (like 5-6 articles or blog posts) each day, I do not find something as good that I would be prompted to share. I prefer writing myself after researching about various issues and customs rather than posting links too often. Today as I write this, I do not have something too enlightening for the readers. I thought I would talk about depression, about pain because that’s what I have been feeling so intensely of late. Then, I started contemplating on all the things I am likely to do when I am very low or disheartened. I made the following list (and it made me laugh too)
- I look around too much and keep thinking. I feel I am stuck at one place and the world is moving incessantly. I look at little things, like light bulbs, chairs, bags and drown in my own sea of thoughts.
- I eat a lot. I don’t know about the quantity but when I am depressed, I like eating a lot of junk food and chocolates and all. I hate to eat healthy foodstuff at that point.
- I drink loads of water. It probably seems a good way to keep yourself busy.
- I pee a lot. This is certainly one consequence of the above point.
- I scribble on pages with a pen. Though right now I was literally squiggling on a bitmap picture on MS Paint on my computer system.
- I form my palm into a fist and penetrate my finger nails (the longer the better) sharply until it hurts a lot and I see clearly visible deep marks. Or I bite parts of my fist with all force. By the way, I realized about my tendency to bite only yesterday
- I fill air in my mouth forming a balloon because that ways for sometime my face has a neutral expression. (This made me laugh. I do this balloon thing in a lot of other circumstances too when I am happy, but I want you to count this more here.)
- I listen to melancholy music and associate my life with the lyrics I hear. (funny, eh?)
- I write down my thoughts either as a letter to someone or as a post on my blog, normally the anonymous one
- I cry secretly. We all do that I know. But, when I am gloomy, I probably try to get sadder to cry my heart out. It gets tough with people around but I manage somehow. Crying makes me feel better. But, hey that in no way means that I cry for every little thing. I think my tears are precious and I shed them only for precious people, precious moments.
- And yes I even do this very much:
Fortunately, writing this imprudent post made me feel better. For your record, I drank three glasses of water whilst writing it and I leave you at this since I really need to go and pee