I wrote this sometime back because I wished to talk to God. I do not prefer telephonic conversations or a one-on-one too much because I love to flow with ‘words’ and words find their most beautiful meaning in the form of writing. I love to write old-fashioned letters and God deserves some of them from me. You may as well read it and write your own letter for Him. Trust me, it will make Him smile 🙂
I somehow feel I have to talk to you; I need to. The first thing I can think of, after seeing the little Krishna idol kept at my office desk is that you are beautiful. I feel so protected whenever I look at you and honestly I want to Thank You for being there. I want to thank you for letting me understand and comprehend whatever life brings forth. I want to thank you for letting me be strong when the times are tough. You’ve helped, I admit. But, God, there are times when I feel lonely. I feel lost and scared. Things, as you know, are not as good as they should have been. I have lost a lot on my path of life. At times I regret, sometimes I feel awful but most of the times I feel lucky because all of it is helping me grow up. It makes me a strong person.
One day, I talked to my friends about how problems were those gifts that God bestowed upon them because He was so sure that they could deal with the whole thing. I know I am fortunate because you consider me able enough to go through all the ups and downs, but sometimes I shudder because the reality seems so abstract.
I am sure there must be some meaning behind all of it. I am sure you have some plans and I do not doubt any of it. Something deep down tells me that everything’s going to be all right soon and that helps me wipe off my tears with ease; that helps me smile genuinely almost all the time; that helps me feel good about being my own self. And then that helps me not to feel alone.
I know I am taking a lot of your time when you are busy helping people who need you much more than I do; there is so much going around in the world, there are people in pain, there are many who are dying and they need you to be with them but we all know about your powers and your love which has made me believe that you can be present with each one of us at all times. That, indeed, is a blessing.
God, I miss dreaming. When I talk of dreams, it doesn’t really mean the literal dreaming process, because that’s happening way too much these days and believe me, its annoying. But, when I talk of dreams, it suggests those dreams which let your life progress towards the correct track; dreams that you see for yourself; dreams filled with fervor; dreams which complete the person you are. Oh yes! I miss dreaming. I try to dream sometimes, but you know it has to be natural and instinctive; otherwise the artificiality obscures my vision somehow complicating what I feel and do. I request you to bring back certain dreams, to let me be full of vigor and zeal. I request you to let life be a lot more meaningful.
I have always known that ‘hope’ lightens life miraculously and so I hardly ever stop aspiring for the best. I engage in many battles with myself whenever I behave like a pessimist. I stand up as soon as I fall. I look at the silver lining of the black clouds and you know I also let the people around me feel so affirmative and positive. Although sometimes, I do not recognize why I divert from this very thought. Sometimes, I feel weak and I wish for you to come and take control. I hope you are there, listening to me and my prayers. I hope you will take care and let me feel blessed. I hope you will make it all right.
Thank you for hanging on till here. You mean a lot to me. Bless me and all the people; whether they need you or not. And please, do smile and let me know you’ll always be there.