I am a little too blank because I do not have a good enough thing to write about. I feel as if my heart and mind is blocked and nothing exists. Nothing at all. Moreover I feel so weak to think, to read, to write, to feel. I hate being sick. I remember how I loved sickness when I was small. I was one of those girls who had the strongest immune system and I could never fall sick, even though I wanted to. I liked being ill because it just felt good to see people care for you. I sort of enjoyed all the attention. What could be better than lying on a bed, listening to music or reading a novel and people running around you with healthy food, fruits, juices, soups and a lot of love? Of course, the medicines were there too. Sometimes I liked them and sometimes I didn’t However, they were manageable if they brought along all the positive aspects of being sick. Alas, I rarely fell ill.
At present, things have changed. I am suffering since the last eight days and I am so bored. I mean give me a different thing God, this is boring! I was just thinking about the reasons I detest being sick this time and I jotted down the following. I just thought I would share these with you since I have nothing better to pass on right now (and trust me I am apologetic but helpless).
- No matter what I eat, my stomach starts aching. I have become somewhat scared of food but I feel so dead if I quit eating. It’s just so tough and complicated to manage.
- Every now and then I start feeling unconscious, I feel I am going to faint. But, I do not faint. Now how is that helpful?
- I am not enjoying this sickness because I do not have people around all the time. I hate being alone when I am unwell but now since I stay away from my family, I cannot have someone with me who would take care of me at all times of the day.
- I cannot read too much. I start feeling dizzy when I do that. As a result, I am not able to read since so many days and believe me, it sucks.
- Also, it’s tough to write. I can ramble about things I am going through (like I am doing now) but it is a little difficult to write something worthwhile since I cannot concentrate. That is one reason that my blog doesn’t get updated frequently now. I have to do something about it!
- I have got a bad throat infection owing to which my voice sounds horrible and I also do not feel like speaking too much.
- The medicines that I was advised for my throat illness conflict with my stomach infection and things get worse when I try working out on both the problems.
- I have to come to office everyday because I cannot take leaves since I need to save them for better times, like when I want to go home or on a trip with friends.
- I cannot get a sound sleep. I get up again and again throughout the night, feel sick, try to go back to sleep and get up yet again.
- My stomach hurts a lot even if I laugh too much. (Sigh!!!)
- I call up my best friends or mom and just keep crying because I feel forlorn and awful. Even they have become so irritated now.
- It is really a bad feeling to look at people eating all the stuff that you love but you have to control yourself, no matter what.
- We have an awesome yearly office party at a disc today which I might not attend because I am not in the perfect condition. I was so excited about this event since months but now I am skeptical about it. Nevertheless, even if I do go there, I would not be able to eat or dance. That is pathetic!
- I feel like lying down all the time but I don’t fall asleep very easily and my waist hurts if I lie down too much.
- It’s obviously hard to find out what I should eat and what not. Now, even if I do discover things that might make my stomach hurt a little lesser, it’s tough to bring myself up to cooking them.
- My saliva tastes bitter. Even that reminds me all the time that I am not perfectly al right.
- I feel feverish very often and then it dies down.
- I hate going to doctors. Really hate it.
- I get so annoyed by little things. It’s just not happening the way it should. Lol
- I really miss home.
There might be more but I am too wound up and drained to think of it. I leave you all at this. I know not many people would be tolerant enough to read the whole of it but if you have held on till now, I just want to say- Thank You! Also, I am sure I will get fine soon and then I would not irk you all with my blather.
Keep Reading and Keep Smiling 🙂