I cannot let my mind be stable. Most likely it does not yearn for taking rest. It is just running from one end to the other, feeling every sentiment, observing the nature, the world, trying to grasp in all that this world can offer. Ah! I cannot let this mind be stable. When I look at the bigger picture, I always search for the meaning behind all the little and big things that happen in life. Sometimes I come up with my own explanations and definitions of things and sometimes I realize that I have to give up because I do not have the answers to most of the questions that life has to present.
I can perceive that my heart, my psyche and my soul are shuttling between happiness, imaginations, ideas, fear, misery, morality, love and no-love. I use the word no-love on purpose because I detest the word ‘hatred’, the very sound of it. As a rule, I know what keeps me contented, yet I do not know whether happiness is all that one lives for. I can talk about bliss for hours at stretch and yet today I find myself standing at the crossroads where I am essentially mystified about the genuine definition of bliss and delight.
It was my birthday on Saturday and I requested God to be there, to give me tranquillity and love and harmony. Why do I always need contentment even though I already know that true happiness comes from within? No answers. No justification. Only unsteadiness. Subsequently I went to the ISKCON Temple where the ‘Hare Rama Hare Krishna’ chant sort of did it for me. I could feel a wave of happiness flowing inside the veins of my heart. I could sense peace enveloping my soul. It took just about fifteen minutes and I knew God had come. I bought a Bhagwad Gita that day because a priest told me that the Gita has all the answers for your anxiety. The Gita has the power to transform lives and connect souls. I thought God would talk to me through this holy book. I closed my eyes and opened a page randomly to read the following words as a message from Him:
Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only. You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future. The present is happening.
I smiled and moved forward. This did respond to some part of my apprehension.
Next, I went to a beautiful Gurudwara (A Sikh Temple) where I could get the impression of magnificence in an altogether different form. The ‘Ek-Omkar’ message that is spread in a Gurudwara tells the world that ‘There is one God’. It inspires my being because for me there is only God, no religion. I felt affirmative, rejuvenated and blessed. However, I knew something was missing.
My friend told me that he had never been to a Church. I knew what should be the subsequent step. We searched for a Church in the vicinity (Thank you Google Maps) and entered the holy place with a Bhagwad Gita in hand (and not a Bible). To me, it did not make a difference except that it made me feel lovely because there really is one God and I could sense that. The lights, candles, the hymns added to the joy and the entirety of who I am. Spirituality can truly do wonders.
While I was heading back home, God looked at me and told me- ‘Have faith’ and He left.
Now, as I write this post, I crave to gaze at the sky, wave a hand towards Him and say- ‘You’re needed.’ I will probably have to wait for his reply till I go back home and open another random verse of the Gita. Till then, I think I have to have faith.
P.S: I thank my best(est) friend Gautam Singh for accompanying me to all these splendid abodes of God.
I wouldn’t have felt the same if you weren’t a part of it. Hugs! 🙂