About Pain: The Connecticut School Shooting!

It took me some time to grasp it in. I wanted to give words to my feelings, to the disenchantment, to the apprehension and the helplessness. However, I needed time to find a direction for my sentiments. I needed a while to stare at those twenty young faces that lost their smiles, their dreams, their enthusiasm, their ideas and their lives. The incident broke my heart. It brought back to me the dash of emotions I felt when Anders Breivik killed people in Norway or when a white supremacist shot devotees in the Wisconsin Gurudwara. It brought back the dread that I sensed when guiltless people were killed in Aurora. Yet, this time it has been a lot more gruesome, dismal and nerve-wrecking. That man, Adam Sanza, killed babies. It gives me goose bumps when I think of my little nieces, nephews and cousins whom I love so dearly, whose lives are yet to ‘begin’, whose smiles bring an end to every sorrow; they are babies too.


I am going through a muddle of varied emotions and the more I read, the more it happens. You really should read this and this and even this to get a glimpse of how I have been feeling. The world is trying to find out the rationale behind this massacre. Some say it’s because of the gun laws in the US. Some claim that the killer suffered from a mental illness, fairly related to Autism. Some even call it an act of violence directed towards young children by a psychopath who remained aloof, had some psychological problems, was putting up with the Asperger’s syndrome and detested being around people. Nevertheless, for me, none of this justifies the homicide of 26 innocent lives. If you talk about guns, the laws need to amend because somehow this would prevent another narcissistic and wacky individual from carrying out wretched acts of bloodshed with such ease. There are discussions all over about the Second Amendment in the US Laws which allows its citizens to have an access to guns. A report asserted that there are eighty-eight guns for every hundred Americans and in the state of Texas, you can buy and own a gun without a license for the same. May be, ‘gun’ is the word.

This Friday, another violent outbreak took place in China in an elementary school. I didn’t know about this until today morning. A possibly mentally ill man entered a primary school in Central China and stabbed twenty-two children, aged between six and twelve years old, with a knife. There are certain things similar about these two assails. Firstly, both were carried out by mentally disturbed people. Secondly, in both the attacks, young children were the victims. Also, they took place on the same morning of 14th December 2012. Now, let me bring forth the differences between the two assaults. To begin with, the first one happened in China, while the second in Connecticut, America. The first attack was carried out with a knife whereas the second one involved an assault rifle. Lastly, none of the twenty-two kids died in the first although all the twenty children and six adults lost their lives in the second. Does this mean that if the gun laws were as strict in the US as in China, those twenty –six dead could have remained alive?

I read a post on this issue by a fellow blogger at WordPress. It got me thinking about blaming ‘autism’ for the attacker’s instinct which stimulated him to kill his mother by shooting her face multiple times, followed by killing twenty six people in a school and eventually killing himself. The writer has a five year old beautiful daughter who is autistic and I can clearly understand her twinge when her little child is compared to a brutal murderer and not to those harmless, lovely kids whom he killed. I can’t believe that every autistic human being could be so treacherous. It has to be something else. It really must be something else.


What I know right now is that, we are all in this together. I can feel the pain of the teacher whose little student told her not to worry since he knew Karate and he would drive out the bad boys. Now that child is dead. I can cry at the sorrow of that sister whose brother was shot while she was sitting in the adjacent classroom. I can sense how it must be for those parents whose homes are filled with soft toys and little trucks and puzzles and dolls and yet the reason behind having it all is lost. I can just imagine how it must have been for Nancy Sanza, Adam’s mother, who was shot by her own son. The only thing I can feel, see, hear, experience and wonder about is pain. An endless, perplexing, hard-hitting pain. God bless the little angels and their guiding stars. That’s all I have to say for now.

6 responses to “About Pain: The Connecticut School Shooting!

  1. I enjoyed your post. Could not sleep so I thought I would read it now. I agree with the referenced articles. Violent video games numbs the mind and the emotions. I see it every day with my boyfriend and his 12 year old son. They both play the mature rated games and his son has been playing them since he was six and I have only been with him for six years now so I do not have any say in the matter except I will not purchase or put towards the purchase of those video games because I do not believe in them and I feel they contribute largely to that, behavior, school work, amongst other things as well. When his son comes over for visitations, most of the time he is in his room playing those games if we are not doing something with him. If he has his friends over, they play those games. He will not go outside and play. I have tried to tell my boyfriend for years how playing violent video games is bad and how it usually affects these psychopaths, but he dosen’t believe it to be so because he is fine. And as for the guns, they must be taken out of the hands of the mentally ill. I do not think that China’s no gun policy is the answer for many reasons. We are a country of hunters. Oh my goodness, can you imagine the uprising of people if they were not allowed to hunt anymore? Just lik e that man in China, since he did not have a gun, he used another tool, a knife, and thank God he did not mortally wound anyone. There will always be other tools to be found to cause harm. For example, in jails. Look at all the so-called creativity those inmates put into making those shanks to harm people, especially during riots. They even have their own DIY tattoo guns. They make their own liquor. Humans have always found other ways of doing things. If someone has. deep, burning desire to maim or kill someone but doe not have a traditonal tool to do so, they will find a way. I was telling my boyfriend last night, what about putting a piece of metal in the microwave for 15 seconds?
    This is so very heartbreaking to me. I have cried every day, several times a day each time I have read an article, seen a picture, anything about Newtown, Connecticut, on top of not having my two grandpa’s here or my boyfriend’s grandmother. You read that in my post. This Christmas is once again as hard as that Christmas in 2005. I even have to go down and do Christmas at my grandma’s house, his widow. Everything I have called her this year, I get off the phone, crying. She has dementia. She knows he is gone but the things she says…like your grandpa and I love you bothers and upsets me greatly and Idk what to says and now that side of the family wants to have it down there and I know my grandma is going to say something sad and she will cry and then I will cry. I am only doing it for my dad(his mom) and my grandma.
    I beg your pardon. I got way off topic for I am so consumed with grief here. Nothing, I am sure, that is comparable to what those families are feeling. Yes, I lost loved ones this year, grandparents, not children. Since I do not have children of my own, I cannot begin to even comphrehend what they are going through and I just pray and lift them up to heaven and hope they can find peace and hope and a way to live through this. God bless. xo


  2. I thank you dearly for reading this post and relating it to your sentiments…I have lost loved ones too and they have been some of the very important people of my life. I can never forget the sorrow that engulfed me years back when they left and the pain that I feel even today that they are not here. I think ‘loss’ is a part of life. Eventually everyone has to go but sometimes I feel these violent attackers try to change the rule of nature by killing people mercilessly.
    I agree that its not about only ‘guns’ because stabbing little children with a knife sounds even more gruesome. We can never say its better to use a knife than using a gun. That would be daft. However, I feel that ‘easy’ access to guns makes these acts easier and more deadly. Somehow this has to be dealt with. Though we don’t know the way out of this muddle.
    I know God will take over and do something. I have faith in Him 🙂

  3. Our hearts are broken. All of us! Our noses burn. Our throats have these big lumps. Our eyes don’t focus well. We complain about God’s permissivness. We wish he would take a more active role. This isn’t easy. I keep hearing that little boy “I just want Christmas, I don’t want to die!” . And I keep seeing that heartbroken father with his face in his hands. His deep deep grief. We all hurt. We’re a nation of good people with a few crazies mixed in.

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