I was going through some blog-posts written by the people I follow and some others which were Freshly Pressed. Soon thereafter I grasped that the last time I posted something on this blog was on March 7. I had to think for a moment and I became conscious that it is already March 19 (today). I haven’t written anything for the past twelve days. Asserting that I have not given words to my thoughts, my voice, my beliefs and ideals since twelve days would essentially be a lie. I did write a letter or two to my friends and I certainly did post something on another blog I host. However, it hurts to see that my obsession is dying down. In no way am I finding out reasons to justify myself but I am going through a very atypical segment of my life; the phase when you set yourself free; when you give life the liberty to do all it wishes to with you because you have accepted that life cannot give you the liberation to work around your wishes, your desires. You have to make hard-hitting decisions at some points in life and probably right now I am running away from the need to make those decisions. I have no apparent rationalization for that. I have been contemplating but it doesn’t help because I have started feeling negative about survival. This is so unlike me.
I have seen people around me take those really tough steps and I was even appalled for sometime to see how life turned and twisted for my closest friends from childhood. I had this friend who was always incredibly motivated about a career in the film or fashion industry. She did her Bachelors in Mass Media after school and became an Assistant Director where she worked on numerous TV advertisements. I knew she always had the flair to be there, to thrive and to live. She had the emancipation, the prospect and also a reasonably favorable background and upbringing. I called her up a few days back after a long time when she told me that she was officially a yoga trainer now. She said she didn’t want to be limited to one sphere, one city. She needed more from life. She wanted to be at a place where people believed in love, in prayers and humanity. I was taken aback for sure. I never thought she could do this. But, you know what? She sounded at peace. She was happy. I know that’s what matters in the end.
My best friend in school was this girl who was a geek and was exceptionally intellectual. Needless to say she was outstanding in academics and after school she cleared the exams for the best EngineeringUniversity in the country. We all were truly happy for she got what she deserved. She loved the university and her courses and was doing pretty well. Then, we lost touch for a year owing to certain unexplainable reasons after which she wrote me a mail. She was in the last year of her graduation and she had taken up make-up blogging. She had decided to make it into a profession after completing her graduation. Yes, I was literally shocked. Her parents also opposed her decision. She could have easily taken up a job in any of the best multinational corporations in the country or abroad at a high remuneration but she left all of it to follow something that had a lot of struggle except that it could make her happy. So, you know happiness matters in the end.
I am still on the pathway to discern where my bliss lies and I feel so tangled up in all kind of emotions, misery, relationships, dreams, anxiety, stress, interests and life’s situations. Perhaps, it’s my turn now to stun the world by actually doing something that would matter to me rather than to others. I cannot always cling to my parents, friends or family for swaying the course of my life. I need liberation; I need happiness. Tell me, where do I find it?