I have been meaning to write here for quite some time now. For some of you, I was lost; for the others, I was busy finding a new direction. Writing doesn’t require too much of an effort; it requires more than that: a heart that’s ready to bleed out and still embrace its beauty, words that grasp emotions and realism just the same and a belief. I don’t know what this belief should really cling to, but I just know that there is something out there associated with this word that I need once in a while to find my writing worthy of being read.
I made a huge decision sometime back of quitting my job. I wanted to break free of the monotony, the phony dreams, and those never-ending speculations and carve a path for myself. Also, I wanted to escape some unwanted emotions that swept me as a result of so many miserable situations. My decision held both: courage and fear. I left everything behind because I believed it was time to discover my real self and to do things that meant something to me. But, I admit that I did this to run away from a state that I didn’t want to cope with as well. What do you call me then: A brave-heart or a coward?
The past month kept my life immensely eventful and contented, highlighted by a good bout of travel. I will share my travel journeys, experiences and tips in the next few posts to come. However, today what I need is to calm myself down, which isn’t as effortless as it seems. I did some brilliant things in the past few days and I loved being a part of those stories. Yet, despite knowing that I had to come back to this hard-hitting world and find a place here, I feel so anxious. Anxiety attacks. Again. Day after day. And who is expected to be strong one more time? Me.
A close friend asked me to pay heed to one magic word: Accept. It did seem so simple. It makes sense to accept how things are today and to make peace with my own self; to accept that I can’t get all I yearn for and to control my desires; to accept that nothing is permanent and to welcome change and more than ever, to accept that it always takes strength but in the end it is also important to let go.
I am trying, even though I suck at trying these things allied with empowering my emotions and regulating my mind. For now, I am glad I am back here in my space (: