Trying to Understand!

I have been meaning to write something thought-provoking or even readable for quite some time now. I feel there’s the lack of inspiration and passion which brings me back again and again to phases of Writers’ block. There could have been so much I could have talked about in the last few days keeping in mind the trauma, the complications, the blessings, the magnificence, the fear and the love that I am coming across. Yet, I steered away from thoughts, feelings, and emotions because I did not know how to express myself beautifully or justifiably. When I look at life broadly, I become conscious of one verity: No one can understand you wholly and you cannot understand anybody too. I am sure most of you do not approve of this ideology that I just blurted out here, but, think about it. Yes, think. We listen to the tribulations people are going through. We look at their grief, their situations, their losses, their desires and we try to put ourselves in their shoes sometimes to make efforts to identify with how they have been feeling. We do discuss ideas, aspirations, misery, methodologies and we feel we can comprehend every iota of someone else’s life. However, it is implausible to cry the same tears, bear the same pain and suffer the same loss. That is why I would ask you never to tell someone: ‘I can understand you completely’; rather if you wish, you could always exclaim: ‘I am trying to understand.’

What prompted me to discuss this is the fact that I feel ‘not-so-understood’ usually and I know it won’t ever be easy for anybody to realize why I am doing certain things, saying certain words or sensing certain emotions. It’s there deep within me and only I know how it is and how I wish someone would value it without judging me or my sensibilities. Yesterday, I read a Freshly Pressed post which was based on one theme which really made sense. The writer said- ‘The only thing you have to do in life is die.’ I can connect with this philosophy so much and I can grasp in these words because they hold a very significant meaning. No matter how you live your life, the work you do, the dreams you see, the path you take; yet, eventually you will have to die. So, basically you have to distinguish between two ways of living: The life that you have to live or the life that you want to live. At this point, I again find myself stuck at this one question: ‘Do I really know about the life that I ‘want’? Do I recognize what would really, internally make me happy and satisfied?’ I am left with some unspoken answers and some blank spaces because I believe it is easier to work towards what you want out of life once you make out what it really is. That’s the tough part.

Here, I realized how much more worthy life was when I was a kid. As kids, we always know what we ‘want’ out of life. We are convinced about things that will make us happy and usually the best element of childhood is that we can effortlessly tell apart whether we are ‘happy’ or ‘sad’. When we grow up, things change and most of the times we are not even sure what we are embracing: grief or contentment? I think I am just there. I think I will remain there, for a long time now, without any expectations of being understood; without any rationale for being the way I am and yet I will be happy. Because for now may be that’s what I ‘want’ to be.

be-happy

As I bring this to a close, I would like to quote these words that I read somewhere a few days back. They really had an impact on me and I hope this will touch you as well.

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.

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